Nookie Cookies: The World's Naughtiest Cut-Outs!

/ Monday, February 2, 2015

Warning: Today's post is sexy. Naked cookies ahead! If you're not interested, I suggest clicking off to a PG project like these cute little Penguin Cupcakes or Pop-Tarts. Things are about to get steamy.

Are they gone? Good! Between you and me, I think it's hilarious to make raunchy baked goods. I like the juxtaposition: Sweet little treats with dirty detailing. My feeling is, everyone's looking for something silly and sassy to make for Valentine's Day...why not these? Try some shock-and-awe in the baking department.

But these cookies aren't all temptation and no taste! Nope. I made these nudies using my Cookie Butter Cookie Dough—(meta)! Have you seen cookie butter before? Are you as obsessed as I am? Quick: Speculoos or Trader Joe's Cookie Butter? Which is your fave?

For the newbies: Cookie butter is like peanut butter made out of Belgian, gingerbread-y cookies. It's sweet, salty, crunchy and addictive. If you're a monster and totally hate the idea of cookie butter, you can still make this recipe...just use boring peanut butter instead. Taste the dough before you bake to adjust the salt, though!

Let's fast forward a bit. You've made your delicious Cookie Butter Cut-Outs because the recipe's below and the how-to video showed you how super-easy it is. Now what? Now it's time to decorate. Full disclosure, I'm a non-measurer when it comes to my royal icing. I usually dump a few cups confectioners' sugar into a bowl, add an egg white and a splash of water and stir until I get the consistency I'm looking for. 

In this case, that's two consistencies: Thicker royal icing for the Nookie Cookie border and thin royal icing for filling or "flooding" the cookies. Having a thick icing border is what gives your cookies that clean, finished look. Otherwise your drippy, drooly icing's going to ooze all over the place. Yuck! Have some class.

Now for the naughty bits! I encourage you to go to the candy store and be inspired. Create your own private parts, girl—you're in charge! I went with sour watermelon gummi rings and gum drops for the boobs, gum drops and mini Swedish fish for penises, and rainbow sprinkle for any "oops-I-forgot-to-wax" patches. Too much?

This is your last chance to click off to those Penguins! After this video, the censor-strip comes off and you're looking at gummi action...

Whether you're baking for Valentine's Day, Galentine's Day or a a bachelorette party, these dirty dogs are a sweet way to say: I dig you enough to make teeny, tiny candy penises for you! And what gal wouldn't love that? Happy frosting, y'all! 

MAKES: about 1 1/2 dozen

1 stick unsalted butter, at room temperature 
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup cookie butter spread (like Speculoos) 
1 large egg
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
Big pinch of salt

2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 large egg white (pasteurized if you're worried about raw egg!) 
Water, for thinning 
Almond extract, for flavoring
Food coloring, for tinting
Candy, for decorating

1. Make the cookies: Beat the butter and sugar with a mixer on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Add the cookie butter and beat, scraping down the bowl as needed, until smooth. Beat in the egg until combined. Beat in the vanilla. 

3. Whisk the flour, baking soda and salt together in a medium bowl. Add to the butter mixture all at once and beat on medium-low just until combined. Shape and pat dough into two disks; wrap tightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate at least 30 minutes. 

4. Preheat the oven to 350˚F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. On lightly floured surface, roll dough out to 1/4 inch and stamp out people using a gingerbread man/woman cookie cutter. Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until golden. Let cool 2 minutes on the baking sheet, then transfer to wire racks to cool completely. 

5. Meanwhile, prepare the icing: Stir the confectioners' sugar, egg white and a small splash of water together in a medium bowl. Stir in almond extract for flavoring, if desired. This icing should be thick like toothpaste. Transfer half of the icing to another bowl; add another splash of water and stir until thin and pourable—this is your "flooding" icing! Tint both the thick icing and the thin icing for food coloring to make your skin tone. 

6. Transfer your icings to resealable plastic bags and snip the tips (be careful snipping the flooding icing, keep it propped up to avoid spills). Pipe thick icing around the boarder of your  cookies, then fill with the thin icing. Decorate with candy to make your Nookie Cookie people! 

EYES: Mini white chocolate chips + food coloring, painted on with small paint brush
BOOBS: Watermelon gummi rings + white gum drops, pressed into the centers 
PENISES: 2 red gum drops + 1 mini Swedish fish 
HAIR: Rainbow sprinkles 

Sending you lots of good vibes and kitchen kisses! What did you think of the project? I'm dying to know xo -Erin


  1. Your cookies are so cute! I hope that they are delicious as they look!
    kisses from Serbia

  2. Oh my gosh Erin! These are hilarious. What girlfriend wouldn't like that, indeed? Send me a few. ;)


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